Merry (LOL!) Gay Xmas!!!!!!!

Hey queeenzz, Danny here. Me n Nathan are SOOOOOO lookin forward to Pride we’re cackin’ our Calvins (well, not really cackin’ coz we don’t do brown – for less than £200). It’s gonna be fabulous. I mean, Gay Xmas isn’t Xmas without snow – n me n Nathan have got stacks of coke in, special like.

There’ll also be loadsa gays me n Nathan haven’t shagged yet there visiting. It’s like Fuck-a-Fresha week cum early! And let’s face it, by this time in the year we’ve shagged everyone, their best friends and their str8 friends after slippin’ them a GHB. U know what wise people (like Graham Norton) say. Variety’s the Spice Gurlz of Life! LOL!

What’s dead serious about Pride every year tho is the music. I mean, forget AIDS and shit like that – only old ugleees get that and there’s 2 many of them anyway. Last year we had a dead ace time goin’ round the candlelit vigil singin’ Happy Birthday and blowin’ all the candles out. Don’t even talk to me about what we changed the wurdz to Candle In The Wind to.

It’s gr8, coz Pride is like the only chance u get 2 hear all the best muzic in the world…evah in one place. They always get real icons: u know, Kele Le Roc, Rozala, Sam Fox, the fish with the big nose and the totally severe bob from Scooch…. And then they all sing like their best songs while we stand around watchin’ and drinkin Breezers. It’s ace.

Especially 2 years ago when Sam Fox came and did Santa Maria in like this boiler suit coz she’s a lezzer now with some German mufflick girlfriend who looks like my faghag Dawn with a plumber’s belt on. What I LOVE about Sam is that she’s SUCH a gr8 singa, songwriter and performa. A total 100% icon.

Anyways me n Nathan was watchin’ er and we were both dead twatted – we’d had like four million breezers and had dropped enuff K to like level the Grand National. And Nathan said: “Sam’s lookin’ at you Dannneeee”.

So I looked up and I was so sure Sam was lookin’ right at me. I mean, she WAS jumpin round so much her tits kept slappin’ her in the face (but she likes that now – I mean she eats minge. Ew!) but she was lookin at me.

That was my chance. So I threw me flip flops at some up themselves gayz who had their backs turned to Queen Sam and ran str8 up to the stage. Then I hit both bouncers in the balls (I’d had them both in a 4sum anyway when they caught me getting’ screwed by this skinhead in the toilets at Cruz and they were RUBBISH!) and climbed up 2 giv Sam a hug.

She wuz AMAZING!!! She just looked at me right in the eye, went “Who’s this scrote?” and whistled at her gurlfriend like this

*Phheeeeeeeee!*

Then this minda at the other end of the stage took this dog collar off from round her gurlfriend’s neck….

And the next thing I knew I woke up in Casualty with 4 cracked ribs, a black eye and bite marks all the way down both legs. Dawn was cryin – daft bi-atch - and Nathan couldn’t stop laughin’.

I was totally honoured. I’d been roughed up by the roughest Pop icon of all time. Now all I’ve got to do is Numba Two. Anyone know where Nicola from Girls Aloud knocks about?